Go F Yourself

A Short Story about Death

by Roger A Wilbanks

1

The crowd at Andy's was thin tonight and that suited Gary just fine. The fewer people he had to endure the better. He slipped into his spot near the ESPN TV and motioned for Angela.
“What'll it be tonight, Gar? The usual?” She slid a coaster in front of him.
“No. I want whiskey. The cheap stuff. From here..” he put his left hand down on the bar “...to here.” His right hand landed 19 inches away from its mate.
“That's a lot of whiskey. Rough night?”
“Hope so.” he nodded.

“Wanna talk about it?” She placed seven shot glasses in a row and began filling them.
“Yeah. Fuck Death.” Gary looked at her. All emotion was absent from his face. Angela saw a pain in his eyes that no small talk could salve and began placing the full glasses before their master.
“You don't have to say another word. I got you for these.” It was a gesture he had not expected. He nodded his thanks and picked up glass number one.
“To Craig.” He drained the contents in one gulp and picked up glass number two.
“You may want to take it a little slower than that.” The voice came from his left.
Gary turned and regarded the voice's owner. He saw a balding, middle aged gentleman with glasses looking back at him. The two could have been twins had the stranger sported as nice a goatee as Gary maintained.

“I would say 'Who the fuck are you and why should I care what you think.' right now, but to be honest, I really don't even want to waste that time speaking to you. Piss off.” He drained glass two in a single draw.

“You seem like a man in pain tonight.” the stranger offered.
“You don't know what pain is, fella...but if you keep talking to me, I might just show you.”
“A threat?” the stranger laughed. “I haven't heard one of those in a while. Thank you Gary.”
Gary stopped smiling and regarded the stranger anew. “How do you know my name?”
“I know a little more about you than just your name. Gary Kline. Born Oct 1971 in Cockrell Hill, TX. Son to Helen and Frank Kline, retired. You work in a dead end job as a salesman and you just lost a dear friend to suicide.”
Gary reached for an ashtray. It was the glass kind, heavy and sharp.
“Oh, you won't need THAT.” the stranger smiled. Gary looked at his wandering hand and put the ashtray back in its proper place.
“Who ARE you?” he asked.
“I'm not so much a WHO as a WHAT, Gary.”

The stranger's smile was nails dragging across a blackboard to Gary.

“OK. I'll play. What are you, asshole.”
“I am eternal, I am the end. In as much words as necessary, Gary...I am Death.”
Gary understood the words but his mind refused to acknowledge them. He stared at his clean shaven doppelganger. As his gaze passed through their external sheen, he could see a vast expanse open beneath the surface of the stranger's eyes. He felt himself pulled as if by gravity towards these eyes. The stranger blinked, shaking Gary back from his stupor.

“I understand.” he said.
“Good. That will make this easier.”
“Is it...my time?”
“No.”
Gary crinkled his eyebrows, visibly shaken.
“What are you doing here then?”
“I just claimed someone close to you. You took exception to this and, how did you put it? Suggested I 'Go Fuck Myself'.”

“You're damned right I did. You had no right to take Craig. He was young. He had a family. People loved him.”
“I have every right, Gary. That's what I do. The cycle of life begins with birth but ends with me. It has for all time and will continue as such long after all of this...” he motioned generally at everything “..is gone.”
“Forgive me for not being impressed.”
“Are you mocking me?” Death asked?
“Dunno. Does 'mock' imply some kind of mutual respect here? Cause I gotta tell you, I ain't particularly feeling that right now. This here?” He pointed into the space between the two, “This here is pure contempt, Jack.”
“I could draw the spark of life from your body with a thought.” Death bragged.
“Go ahead then, asshole I'm not scared of you.”
It was Death's turn to regard the man in front of him. Past the window of Gary's eyes, Death saw vile contempt.
“You truly have no fear of me.” Death said.
“None.”
“I wonder. Is that wise? It seems, I don't know, self destructive somehow. Where is your sense of self preservation? Surely the drink hasn't robbed you of your faculties so soon?”
“No. These haven't hit me yet. That loathing you're feeling? That's my stone cold hatred of you. You took a good man today and I don't need to hear your “BIG PICTURE” “Greater Scheme of Things” bullshit right now.”
Gary picked up glass number three. “In fact, I really don't need anything from you.” He finished the shot in a blink.

Death put his elbows on the bar and clasped his fingers, resting his chin upon them as he took stock of this angry human before him. His eyes narrowed. “You have my interest, Gary. I haven't been able to say that about one of you in a long time.”
“So you're not going to claim me, and you're not going to give me back Craig. What is it you want?”
“I am interested in what you want, Gary. If you were given the ability to ask a favor of Death, I am curious what a person like YOU would ask for.”
Gary paused. This was an idea that had never crossed his mind.
“No need to answer now. We will meet again soon. You can tell me then.”
There was a loud crash in the street outside the bar. “I have other business to attend to presently.” Death tipped his trilby hat towards Gary and left the bar.
“Who is Craig?” Angela asked.
Gary blinked and looked at Angela. “What is that?” he asked.
“Was Craig a friend of yours?” she asked.

Gary looked at Angela and at the now empty seat next to him. “You didn't...?” he asked?
“I didn't.” she said. “Are you sure you're good with these?” she motioned to the other drinks.
“Yeah,” he said. “I just...I dunno. Did you see that guy?”
“Nope.” she said.
Gary realized that playing dumb was the safest bet at this point. “I just...yes. Craig was my friend and he died today.”
“Oh, I'm so sorry, hun!” she cried.
“No. It's... I just...I'm taking it a little harder than I maybe ought to, I guess.”

He finished the remaining shots.
“I'm taking a cab home.”
Angela waved him out of her bar and Gary went home for the evening with a lot to think about.

2

Gary splashed water from the sink onto his face. He saw his old friend in the mirror behind him.
“You've been expecting me.” he said.

“You've been busy.” Gary answered.
“Busier than you could possibly fathom.”
“You're picking the wrong day for jokes. They were my parents.”
“Would it help to mention it was their time?”
“Not in the least. And don't you DARE drop that 'Well, at least they aren't suffering anymore.' line on me.” Gary spun to face Death “I will END you!” he roared.

Death smiled.
Gary punched his foe with all the strength he could manage, spinning his head around with a force he didn't think he had in him.
Death smiled as if the assault never happened. There wasn't a mark to be seen on his face.
“That should have broken your nose.” Gary glared.

“It would likely have killed a man. You've been working out.”
“You're poking me again. I wish I had the power to make you regret that.”
“Is that the thing you would ask of me? The power to put me in my place?”
“No. What point would that make?” Gary laughed. “I cold-cocked Death! 'Well, ain't your mama gonna be proud?' Yeah...maybe, except she's fucking dead.” Gary rubbed his knuckles, still ringing from their blow.

“Yes. I agree. It would be pointless.”
Gary turned his back on Death.
“What do you think I am, Gary? Do you think me a monster? A villain? Am I the bad guy in your movie?”
“No. You're none of those. I know what you are. You're the end none of us wants to face. You're the credits after the movie.”
“I'm glad we understand each other.”
“Is...is it my time now?”
“No. I have come to visit you again now to ask you a second time. What would you like?”
“I still don't want anything from you. Do you expect me to ask for immortality? For more time? I'm gonna go whenever you decide...”
“It isn't my decision, Gary.”
“Whatever. It isn't MINE either. If you're standing there waving that in front of me like a red cape, I'm not going to charge you.”
“You are a very unique Man, Gary. I have to admit that you have me intrigued. We will see each other again soon.”
“Will that be the last time?”
“Would it make you feel better to know the answer to that?”
“Not really.”
Death smiled and walked out of the bathroom. Gary followed him. There was no sign of Death when he got back to his seat in the church.
The priest continued the service memorializing his parents. Gary stared straight ahead.

3

“Gary?”
“I know.”
“Good. Would you ask anything of me now?”
“Yes.”
“What would you ask of me, Gary.”
“I want time.” He saw a smile crack Death's face.

“What's so goddamn funny?”
“It's just the repetitive nature. If you had been in my position the trillions upon trillions of times I have heard that you would perhaps find it funny too.”

“Not that kind of time you malignant tumor.”
“What other kind of time IS there, Gary?”
“I have things I need to take care of. People I would like to say good bye to.”
“That's not really part of the deal here, Gary. Time doesn't really allow me to control it like that. Your time is now. That is as immutable as the heavens. More so, even as one day, I shall claim them as well.”

“I need a day.”
Death paused. “I can allow you an hour. No more, no less. I feel I owe you that for the amusement you have given me.”
“Amusement? I'm some kind of fucking game to you?” Gary screamed.

“Not at all. That was a poor choice of words on my part. I am sorry, Gary. You have given me joy if such a thing were available to one such as me. But I'm afraid I have less control over events as you would like to believe. Time for you is a straight line with two distinct points, the start and the end. For me, it's a little different. You are a ripple among infinite ripples in an immeasurable pond. And I have no more control over your undulations than you do. But I can, hit the pause button as you say, for a brief while.”
“I won't take long. I have been expecting you for some time now.”
Gary picked up the phone and made a phone call. He laughed. He cried. He hung up.
“I'm ready.”
“That was...fast. I almost feel as if you have been...cheated.”
“You said it all those years ago asshole. The cycle of life begins with birth but ends with you. It has for all time and will continue as such long after all of this...” he motioned generally at everything “..is gone.”
“I have lived a full life and given and received love. I have held my child and HIS child in my arms. I have seen all I know die in this world and slowly be replaced by something else. I came to terms with this cycle of yours a long time ago.”
Death was moved by this. “You continue to impress me, Gary.”
“Yeah. Go Fuck Yourself.”
Death smiled and the two moved on.