Stumbles - Halloween 2018 Short Story #2

by: Roger A Wilbanks

I really hate Halloween. I mean I REALLY hate it. Not your garden variety "take it or leave it" kind of hate, either.

The "I want to set it on fire and salt the ashes after it burns alive" kind.

That's probably a pretty funny statement to hear coming from a ghost. I get that. You would just assume most of us supernatural types are partying it up on Halloween. But not me. No sir. And I've got my reasons.

You see, I'm a ghost. May have mentioned that before, but I'm not the "scare the Beejeebus out of you" kind. I'm the "I just want to be left the HELL alone" kind.

Thing is, I'm not graceful. I have this habit of, well, stumbling. I was like that when I was alive, I'm like that now. I guess God must have been short one yuck monkey in the afterlife when my time came up.

You can only imagine how hard it is keeping a low profile when you're constantly bumping into everything. I remember after I passed, I woke up like this, some kinda conscious cloud, invisible to the living. Well to people at any rate. Dogs can kind of see me, or smell me. To be honest, not really sure how that works, but they know I'm there and that's all that matters.

So there I am, this newly minted spook, not sure where or what I am and I start walking or floating or whatever it is I do in what used to be my house, only everything is different now. Imagine going to sleep and waking up to find that someone's thrown out all your crap and replaced all your junk with theirs and on top of that, they've moved it all around on you. It's like getting up in the middle of the night to go pee at someone else's house. Things just ain't gonna work out well for you at that point.

Case in point. When I first woke up here on the other side, I was still in a lotta pain. The cancer that killed me wasn't quite done with me and it felt like every piece of me was on fire. One second, I'm in my bed saying my goodbyes to my family, the next, I'm sitting in the same room I died in but everything's different. The bed's been spun around. The dresser's different and on the wrong side of the room. There's a nightstand in the way now. Horrible. I stand up for the first time as a spook in this bizarro world and I do what I always do. I stumble.

Now there's fellas that will swear to you ghosts are immaterial. Well, that fella's only halfway correct. We're immaterial when we want to be. At that moment, though...I didn't want to be. I was falling down and, hell...I didn't know I was a ghost yet. It's not like they gave me a rule book or anything. But anyways, I put out my hand like this to keep from falling and I knock over a lamp that had no place being where it was. It goes crashing to the ground, I pass clean through the floor and tumble through a wall, making a crazy racket the entire time. I hear some lady yelling in the kitchen and that was odd. The first time I heard a liver talk from the other side. It's like they're underwater or something. Well this liver cusses up a storm till she gets in the room. By this time, I've figured it out and am poking my head through the wall and watching her. She thought her dog made the mess till the little beast comes trotting in the room. Fido takes one look at me, smells me or whatever and freaks the HELL out. Starts barking and whining. I hear THIS just fine. Runs to the wall I'm poking my head out of and starts clawing it to shreds. Needless to say, this takes baby girl back a bit. She turns as white as me. I get a kick out of this and chuckle. SHE HEARS ME. Scared the piss out of her. Literally. She just wet herself right there where she stood. She was gone from the house in a week and I never saw her again. But she did take all her crap with her and left the house blessedly empty. So thank you, Pee Lady.

I found out living like this ain't like it is for the livers out there. Not like it is in the traditional, sense at any rate. There is no more 24 hour day. It all blurs now, like watching a movie that just keeps jumping forward. One minute my house is empty, the next thing I know, someone's put a frikkin ottoman in front of the fireplace and there is a fire burning. I discover both of these at approximately the same time as I trip over the ottoman and go sailing into said lit fire. It doesn't hurt, but again, it catches me off guard. I make a ruckus, I curse up a storm and then I sit in the fireplace and turn to see the family gathered around my fireplace. I'm guessing I had some soot sticking to me because as the sparks die down, they are all looking right at me. I pass on through the fireplace floor and into the basement. I come back up into the room behind them and watch them staring at the place I was and looking at each other. I figure at this point, I'll just go back to the basement and wait this out and turn and walk right into a display case that shouldn't be there and send it crashing to the floor.

Dad must have been the religious type cause he's got all of his spawn behind him and he's pointing a crucifix at me like it's a loaded gun. I giggle. He hears that and lunges at me mumbling something like "the flower of rice propels me..." I sink into the floor again to get away from him but this crazy man but the jackass follows me into the basement, throwing holy water on everything. Some of it sticks to the soot on my face and gets in my eye. I start howling like a wounded bear and the coot runs backwards and busts his head on a beam.

Time does that wacky thing again and jumps forward and now I'm alone in the basement. I hear commotion directly above me. I poke my head through the floor to see what's going on and see a full blown exorcism going on in my friggin living room. These assholes are trying to kick me out of MY house like I haven't paid the rent! This was MY house! I wasn't going anywhere! Still tho, I got it. I knew the score. As long as these mushrooms were in my house I had to be careful and not bump into anything. Easy to say, hard to do. Like I said, I ain't particularly graceful. So I bump into a few more things, Jehovah’s Gestapo chases me around with holy water and a super soaker until they finally give up and get out.

Now the place is nice and quiet with NO crap in the way. I don't even mind the broken windows and hole in the ceiling. But I will tell you what I do mind. Hallo-freakin-Ween. That's what. I get 364 days a year of peace and quiet till the calendar flips and then I get the crazies who want to see the 'documented poltergeist' whatever the hell THAT is. Some of these turnip heads even spend the night, running power into the house from a generator outside. Sometimes I unplug the cords, sometimes I switch the generator off, once I drained the gasoline out, but that was a pain in the ass. Most of the time I just hide in the basement and wait for them to leave. I blocked the entrance up so no one can find it. But every year they came and every year it got worse. So last year, I got fed up and had my "Popeye Moment" Where I "had all I can stands and I can't stands no more." As soon as they got in the house, I ghosted the locks so they couldn't get out. Then I "stumbled" into their kerosene lamp (Honestly. Who uses those anyway?) I dump the lamp on the floor and the house catches fire like tissue paper. I didn't mean to kill those people, well, I wasn't doing this for that reason. I really just wanted to scare them. Some par of me may have wanted some company, but it didn't matter. They didn't sick around. Almost the second they died, that light shined out of nowhere and everywhere and they walked right on in. I see this and start running towards the light, but wouldn't you know? I stumble on that lamp and fall and the light just goes away.

So now, here I am, living in the basement, house burned down and these crazy bastards have turned the entire place into a campground that kicks off on October 1. Every year.

GOD I hate this holiday.

Four Ghosts

[This is the first section of this story I have written. The story itself is a horror story and looks (so far) like it will be a good one. I was literally shaking with anticipation as I wrote this during my lunch break yesterday, shooing away coworkers who only wanted to kill time and talk to me. "I have more important things to do right now." I said. Sometimes it sucks to know a writer.]

“Horseshit.”

“You may want to rephrase that, Lucas.” Ronnie cautioned.

“You sit there straight-faced and try to tell me that both you and your hippie mother talk to ghosts and they TALK BACK?”

“More or less. But everyone can talk to ghosts. They only talk back to the ones that want to hear them.”

“I want to hear them.”

“Um.” Ronnie looked at his mother who smiled and and nodded her permission. “Are you sure? This isn't a jar of peanut butter you're opening here. This door's a little harder to close .”

“Don't care. OKAY Ghost. I want to know what happened to Caroline's patient...”

“...That's too easy...” Ronnie laughed.

“...AND to increase the degree of difficulty,” Lucas continued, “I want you to tell me by fax, I want you to throw something, say it on the radio, the television and the telephone.”

Ronnie covered his eyes with his hand, shook his head and sighed.

The two stared at each other. Ronnie wore a look of knowing regret. Lucas wore a confident smile, convinced his new friend and his strange mother would soon be discredited.

Three minutes passed with no reaction from the ghost.

“You see? Nothing. Full of shit, just...” The lights flickered off and relit at a fraction of their intended brilliance. The television sparked to life with a late night used car salesman.

“I don't care what we gotta do....” the salesman screamed and the televiosion fell dark and silent just as fast as it came to life.

In the corner, a beaten up weather radio's dial lit with an eerie glow.
“This time we are GOING to MAKE them Listen!” the angry conservative radio host bellowed as the radio once more went dark and fell silent.

The fax machine sputtered and hissed as it began to disgorge a single piece of paper. As the sheet left the disconnected device, it bore only the picture of a bottle of poison, complete with the skull and crossbones.

Lucas took these events without trying to hide outward expression of the fear that now gripped him.

riiiiing. riiiiing. riiiiing.

“You going to get that, Luc?” Ronnie smiled.

Lucas picked up the phone, grasping the receiver as if it weighed fifty pounds and placed it to his ear as a voice that otherwise would have been mistaken as wind whistling through dark and wet treetops said, “M u r r r r d u u u u u r.........b u u t...n o t........b y.........h e r r r r r ….”

He dropped the phone, his face drained of all its previous signs of arrogance and composure.

“You forgot to throw something.” Ronnie said.

A rubber duck flung itself across the room, striking Lucas in the chest and falling to the floor. He looked as if he had just been hit in the chest at point blank range with buckshot.

“That one's always been a bit of a smartass.” Ronnie said. “Sorry.”

The Waiting Room - Halloween Story 2009

By Roger A Wilbanks

“About time you showed. He’s almost here.”

“I was busy, sorry. Have I missed it?”

“No. They’re still in the prep area. He’s got plenty of time. Sort of.”

“Shame, this one. He was such a nice guy. Never gave nobody no trouble. Just did his time and kept his mouth shut.”

“Yeah, but what are you gonna do? The chair don’t care if you’re a nice guy. It only hates you for being alive.”

“Well THAT’S about to change in a minute, right? Where are they?”

“They are walking him in now, see? There goes the light.”

“Only a matter of time now, boys. Any last minute calls from the Governor?”

Cold laughter erupted from the pale yellow room. “I guess not. Sucks to be him.”

“Come on now. Show a little respect. That’s a dead man walking this way.”

“What’s it matter to me? I done my time. I paid my due. Now that some sucker is getting the golden road I’m supposed to throw rose petals at his feet? Screw that shit and screw him!”

“He didn’t do it though. You know that!”

“So the fuck what? How many people taken that last sit didn’t do it? More than anyone’ll ever care to admit and YOU know that of all people!”

“Still…an innocent man is about to die. You can at least show some sliver of compassion. There they are. Look sharp boys.”

“And Girl.”

“Sorry Doris. ‘And Girl’ There they go. Strapping him in, shaving his head. He looks scared.”

“Don’t see why. We all gotta die sometime. He’s just getting a jump on the competition.”

“Would you PLEASE show some respect??? If you can’t show compassion then show some silence!”

“You two knock it off. Padre’s giving him the Last Rites now.”

”Look at him. Still saying he’s innocent. How cute. The chair don’t care, pal. A real man would know that and stop whining about how fair life isn’t.”

“Wonder what he got for his last meal?”

“Steak. They always get steak.”

“Yeah. That and Ice Cream. One hell of a dinner if you ask me. That shit’s good if you can live long enough to keep it down. Instead, these dumb bastards just shit it all over themselves when Hank fires up old Sparky there. Me? I would have picked broccoli.”

“Shittin yourself’s the least of the toll you pay to ride that lightning.”

”Knock it off, they’re about to hit it.”

“Look at those witnesses. Cheering like idiots. Crazy bunch of cocksuckers. Wonder if any of them care that he’s innocent? His family’s watching for cryingoutloud.”

“Oh NOW you care. You are a hypocrite man. Always have been.”

“Look. I don’t give two shits in a snowstorm if he did it or didn’t do it. Not a lot I can do about that from here IS there? But those people over there…THEY bear the responsibility for his death. They are the ones that wanted…no, Demanded an eye for an eye. They are the ones that ignored the evidence. They are the ones with his blood and charred flesh on their hands. Me? I’m just a witness in the waiting room same as you.”

“You made your point, now shut up. They are about to throw the switch.”

“Funny how the lights still dim when they do that. Everyone knows they run on a separate breaker.”

“That’s for effect. Gives the witnesses a basis for comparison. Some way to gauge the amount of power flowing through him.”

”QUIET PLEASE!”

“Sorry.”

“OK, it’s over. Let’s go get him.”

“Where…. where am I?”

“Relax there buddy. You have moved on.”

“Who are you people?”

“We are the ones that have gone before you.”

“Every one of us here has ridden Sparky for the last time. We all come back here when the next person rides the lightning and welcome him…or her…to the other side.”

“But I didn’t do it though. I’m innocent!”

“No man, you’re dead. Guilty or innocent don’t mean shit over on this side. Not yet anyway.”

“But the real killer…”

“Will ride his own lightning some day. I guarantee you that.”

“And trust me pal, it’ll be infinitely worse for him than it was for you. You innocent guys got it pretty good over here. It’s us slobs that actually done the crimes that get shafted.”

“I shit myself…”

“Should have gotten the beef stew and broccoli man. Make them clean THAT up. Rookies, when you guys gonna learn?”

“What’s next for me?”

“Next? That’s a good one. What do you WANT to do man? You got all the options now.”

“Will I ever get to see my family again?”

“Oh yes, when they move on. Till then, think of this as a well-earned vacation. All we gotta do is come back when the State decides to fry another poor sucker (no offence) and help him out.”

“Yeah…we’re the welcoming committee. Ain’t no parade for you though, just us.”

“But I didn’t do it though. I didn’t want to die. I had so much to do…”

“Quit your whining, boy! You got to accept the fact that you are dead and move on now or you will end up just like those poor bastards over there. They NEVER leave. They have to stay here because they can’t accept the fact that they are dead. Living folk call them ghosts. Me? I call em suckers. You gonna be a sucker, boy? Go get your chains fitted right now then and we’ll see you when we see you. Otherwise get a grip on your situation, accept the reality and move on with the rest of us.”

“That’s harsh man.”

“But necessary. This jackass here’s got it made but he can’t see that till he accepts it. He’s fucked if he doesn’t and you all know that.”

“He’s right. Just accept your state and we’ll help you. But we can’t do anything for you till you do.”

“I’m…dead?”

“THAT a boy! What else?”

“I’m innocent…and it doesn’t matter? That’s what you got for me? Just take my pride and let go of everything else? And let those pieces of SHIT get AWAY WITH IT???”

“Whoa man…that’s a dangerous place you’re dancing in. You can’t come unglued now. This is a very precarious time for you. You HAVE to make the right decision here. You gotta let go and move on. The alternative is too bad to mention.”

“I let go and they get AWAY WITH IT!!!”

“No they don’t. Not ultimately. Trust me on this.”

“I don’t care! I want them to pay NOW for killing me.”

“He’s already lost man. Let him go and let’s get going.”

“No he’s not. Not just yet. Listen closely to me here. You are literally standing at that fork in the road. Walk away with us now and you continue on the right path. All options are open to you, you control your destiny. If you decide to take the other path and stay here filled with hate and revenge, your destiny will control you. You will NEVER leave. EVER. Do you understand me? EVER! You have heard of Hell, right? Well this place will become yours innocent or not. This place won’t care. The more the merrier as far as it’s concerned only it won’t be merry for you. That’s your alternative. I can’t tell you what’s on the other side of that door. It’s different for everyone but you are gonna like it. All you have to do is take all that hate, take all that revenge and leave them here in this room. We all did, well most of us. The ones that didn’t…well you can see them over there. You want to join them, that’s your choice. It always is your choice, always has been.”

“Who makes them pay? Who balances the scales?”

“You just gotta have Faith, bro.”

“Faith? I prayed every Goddamn day when I was on Death Row! What good did it ever do me?”

“If you gotta ask, you may not ever know.”

“Moment of truth pal. We’re leaving and that door’s gonna close on you forever when we do. Got that? Forever.”

“Faith, huh? Trust some room full of spooks that everything is going to be all right and just walk out that door and leave all this anger and hate behind? Move on?”

“That’s it in a nutshell.”

“Pretty much.”

“Amen.”

Silence gripped the room for some time…

“Ok. Lead the way. Can I look at my family one last time?”

“Why not? You’ll see them soon enough though. Time ain’t normal over here.”

“Thanks.”

He looked at his family full of pain and sorrow and turned away.
“Ok pal…that’s enough. We have to go now. You coming?”

“Yeah…might as well.”

“That a boy! You’ll like it here. I promise.”

The end